Why I Still Rock My Son to Sleep


I remember when Jonathan was first born and watching as one of my mommy friends put her one-and-a half year old in his crib to go to sleep.  I remember thinking, “I can’t wait for Jonathan to go to sleep on his own!  How nice will that be!?”  Now, here I am, my little guy is 16 months old, and he has put himself to sleep maybe fifteen times total.  I rock him to sleep pretty much every single nap and every single bedtime. 

Now, let me pause to say, we are all different.  These are my opinions.  There is no evidence that I am doing things the “right”, or for that matter, even the “wrong”, way.  Every household is different.  Every child is different. What I do with Jonathan may not be the case with our future kiddos.  This is just what I have experienced with our one little guy.  Now that that is taken care of…

Just the other day, I was rocking Jonathan to sleep for his morning nap.  I was rubbing my nose on his fine, baby soft hair, taking in his sweet little smell.  I was looking at his tired little eyelids slowly drifting shut and his eyelashes softly brushing the tops of his chunky little cheeks.  I was listening to the soft suckle of his thumb in his mouth.  I was thinking about how ornery and busy he was that morning.  I was thinking about how truly blessed I am that God decided to put him in my life.  And I started to cry.  This was one of those times, where the tears just came out of nowhere.  I wasn’t sad, or mad.  I was just so overcome by the emotions of having this sweet child in my life, that I cried. 

Now, I won’t lie, that morning had been a struggle.  This past week or so has been a bit of a whirlwind.  I don’t know if he is teething or what, but he has been the epitome of a whiney, needy little boy.  So, trust me when I say, there are moments I want to cry from #momstruggles. 

This was just one of those moments though.  It was a moment when I didn’t want to let him go.  I didn’t want to lay him in his crib to let him sleep by himself.  I didn’t want to put him down just so I could go have some quiet time by myself, do one of the many household chores I should have gotten done, or whatever it may have been that I did while he napped.  I just wanted to be there with him.  I wanted to enjoy the moment of holding him while he was breathing deep in his sleep. 

He is only going to let me rock him to sleep for so long.  One day, in the too near future I’m sure, Jonathan will rebel against the mommy snuggles and will want to put himself to bed.  These moments of them being so small and tiny are fleeting.  It feels like just yesterday I even found out I was pregnant with this tiny human.  Now he is not only here with us, but he’s SIXTEEN months old.  How did this happen?!  Time goes by so quickly and I want to take advantage of every moment I can get with him.  I will take all the sleepy little snuggles I can get! 

So until next time,

Okie Mom

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